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You’re interested in a guy and he seems to be interested in you. You’ve been having a good conversation going for a while, and may have even seen him a few times. Yet he still hasn’t asked you out on a date.
It’s so frustrating, and it makes you wonder why he hasn’t made a move—or if he ever will.
According to the experts, there’s a few reasons he might be holding back:
It’s not really on his mind
He may be physically or emotionally unavailable, in which case, the timing is just bad, says professional matchmaker April Davis, the founder of CupidsCronies.com. “He could also be stringing the girl along simply for attention and to feed his ego, with no real interest in having it go anywhere.”
Or, he could be consciously or subconsciously using you for entertainment purposes—just passing the time until something “better” comes along.
He’s afraid to make a move
There is also increasing confusion about who asks out who these days. Even when interest feels mutual, men fear rejection, says Michael Bruch, creator of the social networking app Willow, which places emphasis on conversations.
“Perhaps the guy is concerned the woman just views him as a friend,” says Bruch. “Many guys are hesitant to ask a girl out when they aren’t receiving strong signals. They don’t want to have their ego bruised, so many wait until they are confident in the outcome to ask a girl out.”
You’re his friend
Speaking of being viewed as just a friend, it’s possible that he could’ve already placed you in the “friend zone,” and more needs to be done to make him see you differently and create a spark.
Turn up the sexy and flirt more to get his attention, says Davis.
“In every successful romantic relationship, there is one primarily masculine hero who initiates and pursues, and one feminine ingénue who is receptive and available,” says relationship coach and author Cherry Norris. And depending on the circumstances, both people could be assuming the role of that female.
This situation can slow down the asking-out process, so if a woman really wants to go out with a guy, she should just ask him.
“If you end up getting rejected, oh well,” says Bruch. “Delayed rejection will only make things worse.”
He’s the shy type
You might be after a bashful guy, in which case the professionals suggest you ask to meet up for coffee; it doesn’t count as a date, but gives the guy more confidence in asking you out on a real date.
At this point you might be thinking, “Shouldn’t the guy pursue the gal?” Well, sure, but it’s also the 21st century. Women tend to go after what they want, and they shouldn’t waste their time waiting around for anyone.
“Sometimes a guy needs to see who you are and what you have to offer first,” says Davis. “Part of attraction is feeling that push and pull when you’re beginning to know someone.” For example, remember back in the day when a lady used to drop her handkerchief and a gentleman would go pick it up for her? This was her way of letting him know he could approach and pursue her.
At the end of the day, if you still can’t manage to lure your guy, it might be time to cut your losses. Life is too short to keep dropping handkerchiefs.
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