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Renowned sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer is widely known for her candid advice on the subject of sex, sex, and also on sex. So who better to ask about sexing up your Valentine’s Day plans?
Not only did Dr. Ruth have tons of advice for spicing up the holiday, but she also shared suggestions on what not to do this St. Valentine’s Day.
Don’t expect sex
“I think the one mistake [men make], is every year, to bring chocolate and flowers … and to expect terrific sex, just because they haven’t forgotten the holiday,” says Dr. Ruth.
Buying your sweetheart some lingerie isn’t exactly a foolproof plan, either. “Sometimes it might not be a good idea,” claims the expert. “Many people might disagree with me, but I would say it depends on that couple. For some people it might be fine, but other people might take it as a slap a little bit, as if what they’re doing isn’t sexually arousing enough.”
Instead, Dr. Ruth recommends buying your lover a pair of warm underwear. “That would imply that you are interested in keeping your partner—man or woman—warm and nice.”
Think outside the (sex) box
Let’s say you’re celebrating with a longtime partner, or a new love, and it’s not entirely out of the question to expect a little lovemaking on February 14th. In this case, how can couples keep sex from seeming stale and perfunctory? Try flipping your romantic plans on their head, says Dr. Ruth.
“Couples that [are] in a relationship, maybe they should have sex before they go out,” she suggests, adding that this method gives couples the freedom to “do something that they’ve never done before … something interesting and something new.”
And if you and your partner have only been on a few dates before Valentine’s Day, Dr. Ruth’s advice is somewhat similar.
“If someone is in a new relationship, I suggest they satisfy themselves [before leaving the house], so they don’t have to think, ‘Am I having sex or not having sex [tonight]?’ It gets them not to be so tense.”
Single? Go to the laundromat
So far, the lion’s share of Dr. Ruth’s advice applies to longtime couples or new lovers. But what if you find yourself alone this time of year? Not to worry, she says—just head to the laundromat.
“If it’s somebody who is looking for a new relationship, I suggest that they not just go to a bar, but to go to a laundromat … people there are not expecting to find new relationships,” she says, which takes the pressure off meeting someone new, and therefore easier to strike up a conversation.
“And bring Clorox 2 to the laundromat … it implies cleanliness, which is not exactly a detriment to sexual activity,” she adds. “It’s like foreplay for your laundry.”
Take matters into your own hands
If you’re not in the mood to head over to the laundromat (mostly because you already own a perfectly good washer and dryer), Dr. Ruth’s lustful laundry tips don’t end there: “Maybe sitting on the washing machine or the dryer might be sexually arousing—in the privacy of your home.”
Moving on …
Whatever you do, don’t force it
For whatever reason, sometimes you’re just not feeling very sexy on Valentine’s day, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
“Another mistake is to expect that the stars will twinkle and the earth will shake, because that partner of yours might not be in the mood,” she says. “Be sensitive to your partners’ happenings in other areas of life, and then give her a card saying ‘Valentine’s Day is postponed. We’ll redo it next month.’”
In the meantime, demonstrate your commitment by planning fun activities, or even promising to do the chores.
“Say you’ll even do the laundry for one month,” Dr. Ruth suggests. “And if that results in good sex, you can extend [it] … I just want everybody to have the best sex life that they can.”
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