These Yelp Reviews for Babies Are Hilariously Accurate

Photo: Getty Images

Many women know the feeling: You want a kid, but you’re just not sure if you’re ready for the responsibility of being a mom. So what do you do?

Perhaps this can help you make up your “Maybe, baby” mind: Yelp Reviews of Newborns.

The ratings are the brainchild of writer, stand-up comic, and mom Racquel D’Apice, who posted the series of made-up reviews on her parenting blog, The Ugly Volvo.

D’Apice told Today.com that she was searching Yelp to get reviews for something else when she realized that “Everything else has a … review besides a baby.” (She’s not kidding, by the way: Spend a few minutes perusing the site and you’ll find critiques on everything from Pirates to San Quentin Prison.)

Then, D’Apice went off and running, using images of friends to create avatars and write bogus, Yelp-like critiques of those cuddly little humans.

Photo: The Ugly Volvo

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Photo: The Ugly Volvo

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Photo: The Ugly Volvo

D’Apice explained that blogging helped express her feelings of being a new mom—the good, the bad, and the awww-some. “This was the only way I knew how to cope,” she said. “It’s been so amazing for venting these minor frustrations.”

What’s next, we wonder: A faux Zagat Guide for dating?

“My friends and I had heard nothing but good things, but I must say, I am profoundly disappointed: the experience simply did not live up to all the hype (and that’s putting it mildly). Unsatisfying, unimpressive, bland, and utterly forgettable. Honestly, I have had root canals that were more pleasant. Pursue at your own risk.”

Be afraid, guys. Be very afraid.

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